Gemini Season & 11th House Awakening - My Friendships Are Evolving

It is currently Gemini season, and within the past few days, the Sun and Mercury have joined Jupiter in Gemini, with the new moon briefly joining tomorrow. As Saturn has also entered Aries as of last night, I spent the evening reading the transits and what they mean for me. In my natal chart, Gemini rules my 11th house, which is the house of friendships, the collective, soul tribes, networks, big visions, and the internet. Jupiter represents expansion, Mercury represents communication, the sun represents identity, and the moon represents emotional clarity. When many planets activate a house, a truth begins to surface. 

The 11th house is the home of my natal Cancer Venus and North Node. Venus represents love, art, beauty, and possessions and the North Node represents destiny – what we’re meant to move towards during this life. 

While I’m excited for what this season is bringing for me, I can’t help but notice a shift within myself. I can’t help but notice a shift in my social circles and communities. I can’t help but begin to understand why I’ve often felt lonely even while surrounded by people. A conversation with my mom yesterday reminded me of lessons I was taught about community as a child. I was born and raised in Cabrini Green, but didn’t go to school in my neighborhood. This often caused me to feel as if I didn’t belong in the community in which I lived. Most people in my neighborhood knew of me because of who my family is. My grandma worked at the local head start program. Everybody knew Ms. Smiley. Everybody knew my great grandma, as she was the heart and the hub of the entire family. Everybody knew my uncles and cousins, but only the kids who lived nearby that I was allowed to play with knew me. I was a girl who took two busses to private school. I was a girl who had to learn to code switch – to speak AAVE at home and turn on the valley girl voice at school.

School was a different story. For most of elementary school, I was the only black girl in my class. I was the poorest kid in a school with a tuition of thousands of dollars per year. I was the kid who was invited to parties because the parents didn’t want to be rude – not because I was included or had many friends. As a result of all this, whenever someone would be nice to me or at least appear to like me, I became a loyal friend and would hold on for dear life. Today, when I reflect on the social circles I’ve had throughout my life, I realize that I had continued these patterns through many of my friendships and relationships. This was a pattern that had not honored me. 

For a few years, I had what I thought was a best friend. I mean, he called me his best friend, and I called him mine. When we spent time together, we’d have fun. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. As someone who hadn’t had many close friends in her life, I became attached. Nobody could tell me anything about my bestie. Until someone did. 

This friendship taught me that just because you are a friend to someone, doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a friend to you. Looking back, that friendship was very one-sided. It took another friend of his to get me to see that my “bestie” was never actually my friend to begin with. We stopped being friends not long after that, and I took it horribly. That was when I learned that it was possible to mourn a friend harder than a romantic relationship. But as years passed and I started to get over it, I reread old journals that I kept during the friendship. The signs were there. This person was never my friend. 

I’ve since met new friends and would want to latch on. We’d have one thing or another in common and I’d think that I have it figured out. Okay, so I need more writer friends. I need more artist friends. I need more friends who are into Reiki. But no matter the friendship circle, I’d notice similar patterns happening. I would come into a social circle and pour into it, only feeling drained and alone in the end. 

My most recent social interactions have had me feeling used and disconnected from my creativity. I found myself frustrated and alone, experiencing both art block and writer’s block. I found myself wanting to be seen as good enough, only to be dismissed and treated as if I’m one of the Pips to someone else’s Gladys Knight. I’d give but somehow be asked to give more. I’ve felt under-seen and overused.  

The loyalty that lives in me would make me want to hold onto these friendships. It would make me walk in the room and give all of me, only to repeatedly feel empty and out of alignment as I’d leave the room. But as the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results. 

Lately, I haven’t been wanting to go out and connect with people who haven’t felt in alignment with me. I’ve been finding myself saying no more. I’ve found myself wanting to stay in and connect with me and with my art. I’ve noticed – and this is not necessarily a new thing – that I’ve connected and felt more seen by the community I’ve fostered online than I have with people who are face to face with me. I feel more seen. I feel more appreciated. I feel more supported. It’s not someone asking me to perform at their church or host their event to make himself look good. It’s not someone inviting me to be a vendor because they really want someone else, but I’m the next best thing. I’ve realized that I’m allowed to pour into what pours into me. I’m allowed to connect with those who are in alignment with me. It’s not enough for a person to have something to have something in common with me – it’s about alignment. 

Going forward, I choose people who support, challenge, and celebrate me. I am intentional about spaces that see my light without trying to dim it. I am no longer apologizing for my empathic nature and now require energetic compatibility in my relationships.

Tomorrow is the Gemini new moon, and as such, I am setting intentions to cultivate authentic community. I am asking myself, who do I feel the most comfortable around? I’m asking myself where do I feel most myself? 

This is a reminder to me and to you to affirm your worth and remember not to shrink for any room. Alignment is better than acceptance, and authenticity always wins. 

I challenge you to look at the house that Gemini rules and reflect on the lessons it wants to teach you this season.