Slowing Down to Catch Up with Myself

For much of my life, I’ve been in a constant loop. I’ve alternated between feeling as if I’ve fallen behind and feeling the pressure to rush. I’ve felt the constant need to perform and to earn my worth, being told that I couldn’t survive on doing the things that nurtured my spirit. I was taught that any valuable family member, romantic partner, or mother would sacrifice herself for the wants and needs of everyone else. I know what it feels like to think, “I need money now. I should be further. I’m wasting time.” 

But what if that pressure isn’t my truth? What if it’s a trauma response dressed up as ambition? 

As a lifelong creative and spiritual coach, I know what panic and self-doubt can do to your creativity, your nervous system, and your self-worth. I often use astrological references in my personal development work. In my case, Chiron in Taurus in my 10th house represents a deep-seated belief that you’re only worthy if you’re “productive” or visibly successful. Chiron is the wounded healer. It represents the wounds that you carry in life and how you’re meant to heal yourself from them. In my cause, this wound showed up in chasing a carrot on a string for 15 years and being blatantly told that I would never catch the carrot. Panic made me chase timelines that weren’t mine. It made me say yes when my body said no. It made me forget that my magic blooms in stillness.

My Astrological Creative Blueprint is a system I’ve developed and have used to help myself and the people closest to me to uncover creative blocks and learn how to heal them. My Taurus Chiron and Venus Cancer and North Node have been calling for me to slow down and allow the inspiration to come to me. This hasn’t been something that’s been easy for me to learn, as society and Corporate America demands microwave success. Through my work, I’m learning to reframe “slow” as a form of spiritual discipline. I’m learning that I’m here to lead from softness; to build a business rooted in trust, not trauma. I’m learning that rest is not a reward for me, but a requirement. Slowness is not stagnation. Sometimes, it’s the only way that vision can actually catch up to you. 

My power comes through presence. Being present has allowed me to feel my feelings in a way that I never have before. It has taught me to heal my nervous system, which is the key to so much more than we know. It’s taught me to trust my pace and build my community on a solid foundation. It helped me to be okay with creating soul food instead of a TV dinner. 

My Sagittarius moon is in my fourth house. Looking at how this planetary position has impacted my creativity; I’ve come to understand how emotional safety is important to my creativity. My younger self was accustomed to silencing my voice, so I don’t come off as “too much” or “too different.” I’ve had so many ideas and visions that I could really be Thomas Edison in my mind.  But often, I would share those visions with people around me who would say that they’re stupid or unrealistic or that I didn’t have the money for that. I spent decades passing up on ideas and opportunities, creating things that would often not see the light of day because if the people around me didn’t believe in me, I felt that I shouldn’t believe in myself either. The work I’ve done has helped me to unlearn all of this.

My Astrological Creative Blueprint service is something that just came to me mid conversation. In the past, I would have brushed it off as unimportant – something nobody would be interested in. The me who is operating in her fullness is learning to trust not only her emotions, but her thoughts, her ideas, and her worthiness. The me who says her affirmations, establishes her boundaries and honors her worthiness, no longer dismisses the hints of inspiration that the universe sends to me. The answer is always yes and is immediately here for us when we allow ourselves to slow down and sit in the silence.

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re also tired of rushing. Maybe your soul is asking for space to bloom. If so, I have some journaling prompts for you to consider: 

• Where am I forcing something that needs to unfold? 

• What does my body need more of right now – urgency or grace? 

• What would change if I believed my dream was on its way? 

What I build is lasting, and it does not need to happen fast to be divine. I invite you to slow down with me and receive your own Astrological Creative Blueprint so you can uncover what’s blocking you.