When Peace Feels Scary: Learning to Trust the Calm After Survival Mode

As I’ve taken time to take care of me, to look within and heal, life has become such a beautiful experience. I’ve become a living example of what happens when I choose to consistently show up for myself and choose better feeling thoughts and actions. This stuff works, and anybody can do it. 

However, I continue to notice that no matter how great things are going in my life right now, I still get those feelings of anxiety from time to time. I still feel afraid. My mind still searches for reasons to be depressed even when I know better. Why would I want to share such thoughts on a blog that’s about healing and positivity? Well, for one, because healing is not linear. The concept that we never experience negative thoughts and emotions and that we’re supposed to be positive and success-oriented 100% of the time is rooted in toxic positivity. It’s important to remember that our emotions are our guides, and even the seemingly dark parts of ourselves have stories to tell. 

The deeper reason for sharing this latest insight is because I want to discuss what can be experienced when you choose to leave survivor mode. This is what happens when you show up, do the work, and have realized that your limiting beliefs are dirty little liars. This is what can happen after you take that deep breath and realize that you have been free and sovereign this entire time, despite previously believing otherwise. When you’ve spent years or even decades in survival mode and finally begin to experience the calm that you’d thought you never find, it can feel foreign. You may even want to subconsciously retreat to the unhappy normal that you were used to before.

Survival mode is what happens when you live a life rooted in fear, hypervigilance, fight-or-flight or over-functioning. It’s what happens when you’re used to overthinking and worrying about what happens if you get it wrong. Many people experience this sort of existence due to years of toxic jobs, trauma, family responsibilities and unstable environments.

Unfortunately, many people pass on without ever experiencing a life outside of survival mode. Living like this for so long trains the brain to a point where struggle feels “normal.” There have been many a time when I’ve heard the words, “that’s life” from people when describing undesirable conditions.

As much as our mouths may say that we crave joy, the nervous system craves familiarity. When we do the work to heal, to choose better feeling thoughts and decide to create a higher quality of life, we may still find ourselves wondering, “shouldn’t I feel happier now?” Instead of feeling that happiness or joy, we instead may experience Joy Anxiety – where we focus more on what we should be feeling instead of feeling it. 

When peace arrives, you may start to overthink, feeling uncomfortable because your brain is so used to having a crisis to solve. Subconsciously, you could find yourself sabotaging restful moments or making up reasons why the good things won’t be coming to you. You may find yourself feeling undeserving or feeling that the other shoe is about to drop. 

As if the internal struggle isn’t enough, there’s also social media, the news, and conversations that seek to keep us in a loop of fear and urgency. There’s always the latest law passed or a new health crisis, and it never ends. While it’s important to acknowledge the real challenges in the world, it’s pertinent to not allow them to become your personal narrative. You can be aware without being consumed. 

The fortunate thing about the nervous system is that it can be rewired. We can learn to utilize tools that retrain our bodies and minds to trust peace and allow ourselves to feel safe. There are grounding techniques such as breathwork, nature, journaling and affirmations. We can practice building safety in our bodies and learn that it’s okay to feel good. We can start to ask ourselves, “What if peace is not the calm before the storm – but the beginning of my healing?”

These are some of the things I do to help rewire my nervous system. I blog, I read something positive, and I love taking walks. When anxiety rises in my body today, I’ve learned to ask my body what it needs and pay attention to any thoughts that arise. I’ve learned to redirect the scary thoughts so well that when an anxious thought arises, I’m certain that it’s just an old habit not wanting to leave me. I’ve learned that faith can be a radical act during uncertain times.

If you’ve been feeling uneasy even as life gets better – you're not broken. Everything that you’re doing to build a better you is working, and you just need to continue believing. Affirm your power to create safety, beauty, and joy from the inside out. Feel free to share your story and affirm your right to peace and safety in the comments!